it's snowing!!!!! i can't sleep for excitement. i want to squeal elatedly to someone, but no one's online.

i've been so submersed in my "university world" that home and the holidays seem unreal. i can't relate to the "round of life" here anymore: i recall my high school days as facts that occurred, but i can't relive them as i usually relive my memories, in photographic detail.

what makes me write of this?

two nights ago, christine was chatting to me about head prefecting ordeals. i am always... stupidly amazed... when langstaff people "ask me advice." i can't believe people really seem to think highly of me there... little invisible me who i thought was hopelessly inadequate for all the roles i assumed. i'm meek and passive... i felt like no one knew who i was when i went to the office (and only looked at me strangely wondering what the heck i was doing there), i was "no good" at giving instructions and usually the prefects knew much better than me what to do. i was surprised that christine was frustrated and insecure sometimes, too... she and jen are so much cleverer, so much more tactful and outgoing than me. but while we were chatting, it took me a while to really recall who "ms. hall" or what "going to see the principal" was like... i must've suppressed those chagrins with new impressions! i registered that "i felt the same way, too" but i felt like i couldn't remember that high school world well enough to really help. only later on, when i was drifting off to sleep, did i remember li struggling to maintain order in race (despite how prudent and sincere and world-wise she is) or ayca crying when mo etc. broke contract for some sort of curriculum night. i guess i really wasn't the only one.

it stopped snowing. i'll go to sleep. when it's snowing as if the world is suspended... as if i'm in a snowdome! time stands still. there's peace. i can forget everything and just ... hope.