I pass them sleeping on the streets
Their bloodstained hands and dirty feet
And I can't ignore them
Any more than I already have

----
NY isn't the first place i've seen homeless people. there's plenty sleeping behind Eaton's center in Toronto, and i grew up in Hong Kong where bums squatted on the doorsteps of my elementary school. I've always looked away and forgotten about them when they were out of sight.

Even in my four months here, when homeless people amble through the subway calling "excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, i'm homeless and i have to feed my kids, could you spare any change" i just bury my nose in my book and it doesn't bug me.

Last weekend i saw something more disturbing, though. two things.

Story 1:

i was on the train, at about 9am on saturday, on my way to The Cloisters. ( a medieval museum in a very pretty area.) in the same train car as me was a long, black faceless shape, a body lying across several seats... it looked ominous enough. several passengers glanced at it and moved to the next train car, but after i concluded that it was a homeless person sleeping wrapped completely in a black blanket i wasn't creeped out

well, midway through the journey, the black shape began to stir. it woke up, rubbed its eyes, wobbled to stand up. blanket unrolled to reveal a very brown, or maybe just very dirty woman. she looked out the window in panic and swore as if she'd missed a few stops.

then - she started calling "Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, excuse me." But what did she do? she started taking off her wrap, and then -- her skirt!

i looked away, but half-wondered - why was she stripping?

well... i found out, soon enough there was pee trickling from her end of the subway car to our end. gross. me and the other three passengers bolted for the door without stopping to think.

"safe" in the next train car... that's when i started to wonder, isn't it hypocritical to feel so repulsed by the homeless? after all the years of fundraising for sandwich runs and advocating soup kitchens... after feeling nicely, complacently socially active after writing articles for the school newspaper about poverty in thailand.

but surely even a bum should know better: that there's public restrooms they can use instead of urinating on the subway!

then again, if *i* was a bum and i had no hope at all in life, because even feeding myself and trying not to get kicked off the streets at night is a massive struggle i must face every day, would i really CARE enough to make public places hygienic? i mean, if i was a bum and no one seemed to care about my hygiene i might want to piss everyone else off, too.

---
Start with me
I cannot lie
When my heart doesn't follow my eyes
Turn away, from all the suffering
That surrounds
Our time on this earth
For some their life has been a curse
I say I'm sorry and I should change
You know it just could be me someday
There's no way outa here...
Who am I to judge, what's been sent from above?

---
Story #2:

Have you ever heard about the bum with no legs? I've seen him on tv and in a movie ["Kids" by Larry Clark.]

Well, I saw him on Sunday. He's literally a stump - just torso, arms and hands, and head. he has no legs, so he "walks" from train car to train car using his hands to push him along. He just comes up to knee level with everyone sitting ... it was so pitiful to see him thumping through the train car begging for money - every thump just makes you wince, you know, cause you think - he has no legs, he's moving on his -- well, leglessness.

And I was thinking: isn't his case extreme enough for someone -- some charity organization - to do something about him? especially if he's already been documented in a film and he's been around for quite a long time. how can any disabled person survive like that?

does he choose to be a bum? is it more profitable, for him, than getting charity?

---
So we laugh, and we smile
And we play our games of sweet denial
But don't tell me we're forgiven
If we hold, all our breath
If we kneel right down and just repent
You can't tell me we're forgiven

Note: Lyric Snippets from "We're Forgiven" by The Calling. I love this song.