i've woven many dreams as a child and i will never stop weaving them. they've changed as i grew up. not to what someone tells me they should be, but rather, they've changed with me... and in the sum of things grown bigger, to include new interests and loves.

i am (or was) very happy but it never feels like the happiness stays. i find myself at crossroads all the time, and sometimes i get very tired at how much effort it takes to stay happy... and i wonder if i'm really happy. then, i'm filled with nostalgia for childhood days when i was happier in some ways than i am now, and less happy in other ways.

i don't have what i wanted, or thought i wanted as a child. i do have some things i didn't ask for, and like. there are still a lot of things i am unsatisfied with, but haven't ceased to hope for.

would i go back if i could? that's a scary question. there are things that i wished had happened differently. but i wouldn't want to give up the good things that have happened since, if i turn back time for a couple of years.

i think what i want most is ... to know what life will be like. to know. who i'm going to marry, where i will work, what my kids will be like. the security of knowledge would be such a reassurance, as in, 'i'll never have to worry about it anymore.' but alas, i know i can't know what life holds - and that's what makes living interesting.