we had our "crit" today on last week's drafting... a crit being basically when everyone puts up their work and we walk around and look at them and have discussions about them. honestly, i thought my group's work looked greyed out, non-outstanding, uncoordinated. if i had come into the room and seen our drawing set i would have thought, "i can do better than that."

same with my tests yesterday and today. the questions weren't hard! but there's no telling that i gave enough points or the right, relevant points.

and there's another studio assignment due wednesday! people around me are so incredibly talented... i care intensely, i don't want to "compete" with anyone, i'm proud i'm surrounded by talented people and i'm glad for them that they have good skills. but i'm already never satisfied with myself and my work, so that when the outer world seems to reaffirm my suspiscions, i feel utterly defeated. and i wonder... how much defeat can you take before you fall? everytime something i hoped for and believed would happen doesn't happen, i crawl further into my shell to hide my wounds and i feel un-confident, unhappy, too "sick at heart" to talk to people unless they're people i really know.

so i worry. >_<